Can you remember the very first time you Googled something? No, neither can I. Granted I’ve spent precious few relative years on this fabulous Earth of ours, but Googling things has been a rather substantial part of my life thus far (also the fact that “to Google” is a legit verb beggars some attention). We do it every day. My Nan is the ultimate technophobe, not least because she is absolutely convinced that all forms of technology are out to either kill us or penetrate our brains (she’s VERY good at screaming down the phone because she holds it a good three feet away from her head in order to avoid the “funny rays”), and even she knows how to Google. It’s part of our past and present, and it would seem it’s going to be part of our future. In fact, Google isn’t just partaking in the future; it’s shaping it.
Rare have been the weeks of late when the multinational (worldwide, to be precise) corporation hasn’t been in the news, whether it’s for dodging sanctions, imposing them – big up Team #FreeRapGenius – or creating some baffling new technology far too complicated for the common browser (me) to understand at first glance. These days, the brand owns about two-thirds of the search engine market – a phenomenal percentage – hence why it has been involved in a lot of discussions with the European Commission, which I’ll get to later. I can only imagine the extent of the bottle popping that occurred over at the company’s HQ, Googleplex, when hit a record market capitalisation of near to $410 billion earlier this year.
But Google is so much more than a search engine, and this to the mere consumer. Just going about our day-to-day lives we use Google Maps, GMail, Google+, Google Books, Google Translate, Android (Google owns this OS), Google Chrome, and Google News (you probably do this subconsciously). Google is the go-to name for more or less everything we do online. They also set up their own fibre-optic broadband company “Google Fiber” in 2010, currently operating in Kansas, TX. The company, which featured at #5 on Forbes’ World’s Most Valuable Brands list in 2013, is also mother to a number of subsidiaries, some you may know (YouTube – hence all the cool adverts – Admob, Motorola Mobility) and some you may not. Google is quite literally everywhere, and it’s terribly clever too, not least with its marketing. Collective “awh”, if you will:
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7BL_VxVuf8&w=560&h=315]
As I said, Google also owns a whole horde of brands you’ve probably never heard of. Whilst I was browsing the Business section of The Economist (the only section I can really bear) the other night, I fortuitously read an article entitled “Don’t be evil, genius”. Side note: I’ve only just found out that “Don’t be evil” is Google’s motto, supposedly portraying the “Honesty and Integrity in all we do. Our business practices are beyond reproach. We make money by doing good things”, so now I get the title. Go me. Anyway, the (actually rather good) article was about Google buying a British “artificial-intelligence” startup. Now there’s me going – AI? Wasn’t that a film about a decade ago with some psycho robot boy? Well, no, Charlotte, things have apparently moved on since 2001. As the text explained, the London-based startup that Google paid £400m for is called Deepmind Technologies. And what do they do, you all ask in unison? Well, there’s the mystery. Deepmind are “yet to announce a product”, but in any case they’re very good at creating A-I algorithms.
Now I’m probably making this sound a lot more sinister and mysterious than it actually is, because although we’re not necessarily aware of it, artificial-intelligence software is incorporated into a rather large portion of what we do online. As The Economist explained, it’s why our choice of social media network can suggest friends to us (although they are in fact people I probably wouldn’t go within 10 feet of unless wearing adequate protection… Like a space suit), why ASOS knows what “You Might Also Like”, and also helps intelligence agencies identify terrorist networks. You know, the usual stuff. And what did the powers that be call this software that records every piece of information we send and receive via the Internet? Something imposing, sombre perhaps? No. Cookies.
In any case, a little prying and it was quickly evident that Google has been making a lot of funky acquisitions of late, including more than a handful of companies that are going to make it “infinitely more intelligent”. In 2013 came the high-profile acquisition of Boston Robotics which, you guessed it, makes robots – the “most advanced robots on Earth”, to be precise (whoever knew there were so many as to merit a “most advanced” category), which tallied up Google’s robotics division to eight acquisitions in six months. The superbrand also recently purchased Nest Labs, a “home automation company” that produces some pretty jazzy home heating and smoke alarm devices. Whilst such a manufacturer may sound somewhat trivial, how many homes in the developed world have heating and a smoke alarm? Yes. All the homes. And not only does Nest offer technology at the forefront of the battle against climate change, which Americans are obviously going crazy about (meanwhile, around a coal fire in England…), it’s quote unquote gorgeous, elegant and very, very smart. A gorgeous thermostat. I want one already and I’m not even a car owner, let alone a homeowner. Good stuff, Google.
And you’d have to have been in a cave for a very long time to have not heard about Google Glass. Whilst in all fairness it is relatively low-key for the time being, by which I mean Instagram isn’t full of selfies of your regular barman posing with three months’ wages worth of gadget-y goodness they’re realistically only going to use to identify where the nearest Nando’s is (although this is probably due to its limited availability: you have to be a carefully selected member of the “Explorer Program”, oh and have a hefty $1,500 ex tax to spare), it is arguably nothing short of a revolution. Wearable technology isn’t new as of itself, that’s for sure. But the ultra lightweight device, although elusive, is seemingly the next generation of… Well, everything. It’s everything your phone can do, but hands-free – as in, in the lens of your glasses. Some pretty cool shit, if you ask me. Plus it’ll be extremely welcomed by those of us that have to carry a handbag, a Starbucks AND a phone or two at the same time. Le sigh… As I was saying, it’s not only the new embodiment of consumerism (in my opinion, the current holder of that title is the iPad… Nobody in the world needs an iPad), it could actually come in quite handy with regards to cutting down crime. No, it doesn’t shoot radioactive laser beams at potential aggressors; but it can record everything that you see, which would potentially help with identifying perpetrators and act as a deterrent. It’d be like having your own corporal CCTV. Last point on Google Glass: the last version of the technology it bears was called Ice Cream Sandwich. The new bigger, better update is called Kit Kat. A-dor-able.
A bit further up, I mentioned that our prodigal establishment had recently had a run-in with the Commission, lead by the wonderful Mr Almunia (basically God himself to us Competition Law students). Well, that’s a bit of an understatement. The proceedings basically come down to this: Google is a very, very big company. Other companies, like Microsoft’s Bing, aren’t happy about just how much of the market Google controls (as afore stated, it’s pretty hefty slice). If you’re at all aware of the history of EU Competition Law, you’ll notice the irony in Microsoft being pissy about a big market shareholder…
The complaints began in 2009, with the investigation starting the following year. And only very recently, after two failed attempts, have Google and Mr Almunia and his team been able to come to a working agreement about how Google should operate in order to reduce its potential abuse of the dominant position it finds itself in. The goal here is to leave some space on the playground for the smaller kids and to play with the toys they bring to the game too, but considering Google carries out 90% of online searches in Europe, it may not be third time lucky.
So the Google-shaped future is this: you pick up your Nexus 7, connected to your Google Fiber. You Google search for a restaurant in Paris, but not understanding the menu, you Google translate the results. You feel a bit chilly, so you remotely adjust your Nest thermostat. Stepping out the house, you place on your Google Glasses so that you can stay up-to-date on-the-move completely hands free. You pay a creditor wirelessly via Google Wallet. Keeping up your commercial awareness is key (ha, ha) so you flick through Google News to see what the recent market transactions are. At home later that night, you’re back on your Nexus, flicking through your most recent Google Books download. And maybe, maybe you might have your hot chocolate brought to you in bed by your personal Boston Robotics rob- OK too far. But seriously, is there anything Godgle – sorry, I mean Google, can’t do?
I have honestly only touched on a fragment of Google’s vast empire, which expands to the incorporeal to the at-your-fingertips if not prêt-à-porter merchandise. I’ve left out for example the driverless cars and even the smartphones. I did all this research in the space of about two hours, minus the initial Economist readings. And I think I’ve been able to highlight just how much of a power-player Google is. It’s a phenomenal entity that really does run our lives for us – past, present and future. Should we be worried? Well, there’s probably some dirty work going on somewhere. Whilst the slogan apparently represses everything “evil”, and Google apparently puts money to one side whilst concentrating on delivering the best possible (and undeniably for a large part free) services and products for the consumer, we don’t live in a magical fairyland full of philanthropic corporations. The search engine we used to use to get to Nev’s Jam Buster every IT lesson lives on as it did in the glory days, but the sweatshop behind it has gone Napoleonic on us. I’ll be very, very keen to see what Google comes up with over the next five years or so, where I think “funny rays” will be the least of my Ninette’s worries…
In completely unrelated news, Because The Internet.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z6bHTixsvA&w=560&h=315]